Wednesday, March 19, 2008

I heart cph

Copenhagen becomes very very enchanting in the spring and summer...especially the light in the evenings. I can't wait for the summer...picnicking and watching the sun set at 11.00 p.m.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Think about it

The mind comes, finally, to take on the nature of the influences that dominate it. Napoleon Hill

REALLY think about it.

I'm getting scared thinking of all the junk I influence my mind with "gulp!"

Saturday, March 15, 2008

tickled silly

Eddie Izzard makes me laugh

Of thoughts

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become." Buddha

"The power of thought is the only thing over which you have complete, unchallenged and unchallenganble control" Napoleon Hill

"Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love." Lao Tzu

" It is the nature of thought to find its way into action." Christian Nevell Bovee

I find it very hard to always be in the now and thus joyously/achingly aware of my every thought and to control those thoughts...but I'm learning that therein my power lies.

I love this quote as well...

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." Carl Jung

Thursday, March 13, 2008

One of those days

Those days when being yourself rocks the boat
You fall out
And the boat sails on without you
And you can do nothing about it?
You can't stop being you...
But falling out of the boat and being left behind sucks
Big time...
Maybe I need to get used to the water...
Or learn to swim as fast as the boat sails...
Its times like this when I'm really searching for my sanity.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Wise words

But if you do not find an intelligent companion, a wise and well-behaved person going the same way as yourself, then go on your way alone, like a king abandoning a conquered kingdom, or like a great elephant in the deep forest. - Buddha

Emotional abuse: Great books to read on the road to healing

I am currently reading "Stalking the soul" by Marie-France Hirigoyen and it is priceless. This book is great for anyone in an emotionally/verbally abusive relationship at home/work or school. It's a priceless resource with all sorts of personal stories which, if anything will help one to identify which situations are natural healthy conflicts and which are psychological warfare meant to tear one down regardless of ones strength and goodness.

I'm not even done reading it yet and I KNOW it is changing me and the way I will tackle conflicts in future. It is helping me to figure out which conflicts are worth fighting and which require me to walk away fast and not look back....because the price I pay by staying and fighting is my soul.

Very insightful book!

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

When words move me

Once in a while I'll come across words that move my soul. I can literally feel a shift. A higher awareness, an enlightenment.

Nathaniel Brandens definition of self esteem does just that.

Self esteem is:

"Self-esteem is an experience. It is a particular way of experiencing the self. It is to move toward life rather than away from it; to move toward consciousness rather than away from it; to treat facts with respect rather than denial; and to operate self-responsibly rather than the opposite."

Emotional/Verbal abuse: Moving on and shedding the role of victim

If you are just coming out of an emotionally abusive relationship or you still are in one, chances are that most of your partners have or will be abusive unless you do some work on yourself.
It takes some time to come to this realization, because ones identity is so embedded in being a "victim" and one IS in essence a victim.

In my case, when I first came to the realization that this was my "issue", I really needed validation as a victim. I needed someone to believe what I said was true because I myself was in doubt, so much so that I could not talk to my friends about it. My ex's crazymaking campaign had really borne GOOD fruits, I thought I WAS the bitch he made me out to be. He never shouted or raged, he would just jokingly tell me "oh you are such a bitch, while tickling me"...and obviously I would try to prove I wasn't...

My problem with talking about it was "how do I explain the fact that I'm crying all the time, after the breakup, because he used to "jokingly" tell me I'm a (fill in with chosen derogatory term)? How do I explain the power struggle that would ensure if I tried to make a decision that only affected me but that he found entitled to affect or control? How do I explain that I'm hurting because of the dripping-with-unaffected-disinterest "oh's" I would get in response to me talking about something I really cared about?" Among a myriad of other very subtle annoying but very consuming tactics.

Remember chanting "sticks and stones will hurt my bones but words will never hurt me"as a kid? This could not be further from the truth, even if it tried to be.

Moving on from verbally abusive relationships requires a lot of emotional work. If you are reading this because you identify with what I'm saying then my advice is that you should read more on the subject...a good place to start is online with free resources such as this one, and books such as this one and get professional help. For most, as is for me, this work involves challenging childhood and social programming, learning how to set boundaries, figuring out what a healthy relationship looks like and building my self esteem.

If you are still in a verbally abusive relationship, then you need to start thinking about leaving, if only until your issues are resolved. The one thing most professionals in the field are adamant about is that all physical abuse starts out as verbal abuse....things will only escalate if not addressed.