Sunday, June 29, 2008

Can you is written everywhere

Ok...that sounds a tad like I'm on drugs...hmmm...dono why I said that...especially seeing as I'm making things more suspect by featuring a Beatles song...written by John Lennon.

Anyway, the take home message is..."turn off your mind for a few secs everyday....since what its telling you is mostly a ball of hogwash"....wait, I'm not winning any fans with that message am I?

I think I need to turn off MY mind lol

Bugger! I believe someone out there gets me :-)

Tomorrow never knows - Beatles

Turn off your mind, relax
and float down stream
It is not dying
It is not dying

Lay down all thought
Surrender to the void
It is shining
It is shining

That you may see
The meaning of within
It is being
It is being

That love is all
And love is everyone
It is knowing
It is knowing

That ignorance and hate
May mourn the dead
It is believing
It is believing

But listen to the
color of your dreams
It is not living
It is not living

Or play the game
existence to the end
Of the beginning
Of the beginning

I'm getting it...slowly

"So is it possible to see the limitations of thought and give it its right place, and therefore giving the right place to thought brings about clarity - right? We mean by right place - the art of that intelligence which comes through investigation, through exploration, that art - the very meaning of that word is to put everything where it belongs, put everything in our life where it belongs, and to find out where it belongs you need tremendous intelligence. "- J. Krishnamurti

"I gave way to delight, as mystics have for centuries when they peeked through the curtains and discovered that this world- so manifestly real was actually a tiny stage set constructed by the mind. We discover abruptly that everything we accept as reality is just social fabrications." - Timothy Leary, 1966

Now!? How on earth do I control this mind?

Friday, June 27, 2008

Moods from a journey home

I still don't know
and now
on the way
I'm knowing
that I may never know
on the way
I'm learning
that this is knowing
on the way
I'm letting
I Am
And loving the journey

Clarissa (my bike) looking funky! :-)

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Thinking about thinking

Or in other words, being conscious.

Four chapters into "A New Earth. Awakening To Your Life's Purpose" by Eckhart Tolle and I'm putting more and more effort into being conscious and present in my life. It's becoming easier, but I hardly want to make it sound like it's a piece of isn't...the results of being present, are however, very much like eating really good cake, which for me is heavenly :-)

My biggest issue, when I started reading this book, was figuring out what the purpose of the ego is. After reading a budhist quote that said that making the ego "good" never works, I was very confused and wanted to immediately know, what good the ego does and why we have one. I haven't been able to answer those questions yet...BUT, I've gotten to know the ego a little better (all egos are structurally the same, mine yours...Hitlers....yeah dude! not kidding...that's why it's good business to know the silly bastard).

According to Tolle, and I'm finding this to be true as I practice his teachings, The ego:

Thrives on faultfinding and complaining. These two favorite pastime of many, me included, imply that the person complaining is "right" and boosts the egos strength. Frightening to think about. I reflected on this and thought about the life that complaining and faultfinding takes on, once one's as if it's fun to continue and impossible to stop. These two actions, have in reality, no true power in them, other than empowering the ego, as one can factually acknowledge a mistake and not dwell on making a situation or a person "wrong". The compulsion to complain and find fault is so strong in me sometimes, it feels like an unstoppable physical force!
I've been practicing the act of being aware of this force, when I'm complaining...noticing this thing that is making me want to whine and right...make someone else wrong, be superior because "I" (the ego) can see the wrongness of something that the "other" in their inferior state can't see.
Being aware, according to Tolle, disempowers the ego, and I'm finding this to be true...because once I understood my motivation for complaining...I do it less...and for shorter sessions at a time...I'm still doing it...but knowing why I'm doing it, makes it easier to stop the force of it.

Is motivated by need to stand out, be special, be in control, need for power and attention. haha...the being special thing is ALSO one of my favorite pastimes. I derive so much "self" from being the only black person among my friends, that I actually feel resentful of other black people we meet! There, I've said it! I'm special, I stand out and I'm one of a kind, unique, by virtue of my long as I'm the only black person around...I didn't realize I had it this bad until recently. It's all very sad really.

I think that my sense of style has also developed largely out of the need to stand out and be special...*biting nails* tragic!

And again, my only powerful action, is being aware of the resentment and the need to be special...when it is in play. I find that recognizing those feelings makes them ebb away faster...

It frightens me so, that I derive self esteem from these fleeting unstable things...

Is characterized by feelings of bitterness, indignation, irritation, impatience, jealousy, envy, boredom, discontent, fear, anxiety, unhappiness, entitlement, rightness.... So what to do when one experiences those feelings? Become aware of the feelings in you...instead of becoming the feelings. Now this is a concept that is hard to explain...but really becoming aware, that e.g. " I'm feeling unhappy"...removes you from the trance called utter unhappiness...make sense? Sometimes when I'm unconsciously unhappy...I'm completely lost in the emotion, and thus unable to do anything about it, I become blind to everything but my unhappiness. Awareness of the negative state brings about a certain perspective, I find, that allows for powerful action towards changing the state. I find, that I become aware of the negative feelings in me, I'm more empowered to move out of the negative's as if I'm looking down on the feelings and doing something about them from a different platform....sometimes I'll just be aware...and not be able to do anything else but be aware of them.

My understanding now, is that the ego gives us a false sense of "self" derived from the above things and states and many other passing unstable forms and states that I have not covered here...the true self and realization is, believe or not, that "We are"...basta. No more no less. Understanding this is key in living a happy life.

There's lots more about the ego....cant fit it all here...I recommend finding literature on the subject...Tolle might not be everyone's cup of tea...I personally find his teachings easy to digest and follow...but there are other teachings out there that cover the subject.

Tolle's words:

"The ego isn't wrong, it's just unconscious. When you observe the ego in yourself, you are beginning to go beyond it. Don't take the ego too seriously. When you detect egoic behaviour in yourself, smile."

But to detect it, you must know it. Get to know your ego, folks :-)

As it is, sayings such as the one below, and my parting words...are beginning to make more sense to me.

Reality alone exists - and that we are. All the rest is only a dream, a dream of the One Mind, which is our mind without the 'our'. Is it so hard to accept? Is it so difficult to assimilate and to live? - Why Lazurus Laughed by Wei Wu Wei

Monday, June 16, 2008

My first meme ever!!!!

Thanks to tDA.

Eight Things for Which I Have a Passion


Molecular Biology

Fashion and Design (Interior Design)




Having fun and being happy and sharing that joy/fun

Practicing the spirit of abundance

Eight Things I’d Like to do Before I Die

(this a bit like my bucket list, I'm getting carried away here though...)

Travel to Japan and China and now one of the Indonesian Islands…preferably a remote one.

Own my own clothing and shoe line

Contribute to HIV and MS research

Own and have my whole family living in their own homes (I come from a small family)

Win a salsa competition (wohoooo)

Own the latest S class Mercedes

Use my life to inspire others

Own a small world class art deco hotel in Kenya (corr! We’re getting ambitious!)

Eight Things I Say a Lot

(sometimes I’ll say all eight in one go)




Really? Seriously?



Er….seriously? dude!

Oh fuck!

Eight/Ten Paper Back and Audio Books I Have Read/Heard Recently

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert ( have already blogged about this one)

In Sheep’s Clothing by George K. Simon and Stalking the Soul by Marie-France Hirigoyen (great book on how to deal with manipulating people)

Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov (blame JKA bookshop, it was either that or some safari book full of animal pics ;-{, having said that, I quite enjoyed the book and would recommend it ;-) perfect funny read for an eight hour flight. It's also quite fun to get people to notice the name of the book and watch their reactions...had to hide it though when I transited in Brussels and ended up sitting opposite some Nigerian of them had already tried to pick me up at security...right in the middle of me taking off my boots!!!)

Awaken the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins (Brilliant teachings…gets one to think and act bigger and better…and is not part of the “I’ll crash everyone who stands in my way” school of thought that is advocated in society)

Get the Edge by Anthony Robbins (Loving this too, everyday wisdom, designed to make one live a more conscious and fulfilling lfie)

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans (Great book for women coming out of verbally/emotionally abusive relationships)

Nothing bad ever happens in tifanny's, Under the Duvet and Further Under the Duvet by Marian Keyes Oh the humor in these books is to die for! I'm not an incarnate Marian Keyes fan, but these three books are actually a chronicle of her life and I just love her journalistic style in these books...she had me laughing so hard that I was always falling off chairs on the train/bus, had to eventually stop reading the fecking books in public.

Eight Movies I Have Seen Eight Times

(seen almost eight times…eight times is a LOT!)

Pretty Woman

Shawshank redemption

How to lose a guy in 10 days

Pride and prejudice

Lord of the rings

The Matrix

The Last Boyscout


Eight/Three People Who Should Do This Meme

(you’re the only other bloggers I know who haven’t been tagged yet. So humor me ;-))



Dj nomore

Thursday, June 12, 2008

The Peaceful Warrior

This perfectly brilliant movie (in my opinion) is based on Dan Millmans book "The peaceful warriors way". I will be getting the book asap.

There's a really spooky (in a nice way) story about how I ended up watching it....It was recommended to me by tDA (loving the acronym btw :-) ) after I left a comment on his blog...Thing is he hasn't watched the movie but thought I'd like it anyway...and whadayaknow...I DO!

I'm at a turning point in my life, a huge one, and I've been asking some huuuuuge questions which, as I've alluded to before, are being answered in a manner of different ways. This movie is a bucket full of answers for tDA you've officially become one of the channels through which the universe/life is answering me! Thank you and (at the risk of seeming all frufru) thank you universe/life!

So this is what the bucket is full of....these marvelous inspiring words...:

Take out the trash! The trash is any thoughts that are keeping you from the only thing that matters, this moment, here, now. And when you truly are in the here, now, you'll be amazed what you can do and how well you can do it. (this message is coming to me from all over the place this is my purpose for now...)

Life's three rules
paradox: life is a mystery, don't waste time trying to figure it out.
humor: keep your sense of humor, especially about yourself, it is a strength beyond all measure.
change: nothing stays the same.

Death isn't sad, the sad thing is that most people don't live at all.

The people that are the hardest to love are the ones that need it the most. (this is a toughie)

Every action has it's price and pleasure. Knowing both sides, a warrior becomes realistic and responsible for his actions.

A warrior acts, only a fool reacts.

Knowledge is not the same as wisdom, wisdom is doing!

My three favorite ones:

The first realization of a warrior is not knowing.

A warrior is about absolute vulnerability.

There are no ordinary moments!!! (none! every single moment is magical and only here now....)

Be inspired folks :-)


have me
messily tortuously endlessly
over this granite rocky scarp
when i fight

when i don't
I'm tumbling
over soft silky velvet
embraced, caressed
only to land
in your arms
where I adore you
with my eyes and heart

and want
for nothing.

hebu pack your viragos my dear

we've sat in this place for too long
time to get the move on
from this
cant you see?
everything working perfect gal
it's time to go!
the sun is shining
the birds are calling
the beach is waiting

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Same same

I just finished "Eat pray love" by Elizabeth Gilbert and in true gal style, I'm raving about it. I've written about the book before, but at the time I was having a hard time picking out an excerpt that I really really liked and was loving the whole book equally.

However, in the book I have encountered things/ideas that I will take away with me and hold closely to my little gold trinket gifts. I personally enjoy the idea of having a favorite word, in any language one prefers.

Mine is "beautiful/beauty" and not only in the physical sense but on metaphysical, spiritual level as well and with the full acceptance that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder...and appreciating that by being curious about others perception of that i not only enjoy that which I, in my limited knowledge, deem as beautiful, but that I can see beauty through the eyes of others.

My favorite character in the book is Ketut Leyir, the medicine man from Bali. I love the idea of this ageless, toothless gentle wise man, and loved what he had to say...reading about him was like having my very own wise medicine man in my room...

My favorite excerpt:

Ketut on meditating into several planes of consciousness and ending up in heaven.

"Liz: Have you ever been to heaven , Ketut?

He smiled. Of course he has been there.

Liz: what was it like?

Ketut: Beautiful. Everything beautiful is there. Every person beautiful is there. Everything beautiful to eat is there. Everything is love there. Heaven is love.
Liz: Have you ever been to hell?

He smiled. Of course he has been there.

Liz: what was it like?

Ketut: Same like heaven. Universe is a circle Liss. To up, to down...all same, at end.

Liz: Then how can you tell the difference between heaven and hell?

Ketut: Because of how you go. Heaven you go up, through seven happy places. Hell you go down through seven sad places. This is why it is better for you to go up Liss.

Liz: You mean you might as well spend your life going upward through the happy places, since heaven and hell, the destinations, are the same?

Ketut: Same-same. Same in end, so better to be happy on journey."

Better to be happy on the journey folks.

Oh there is so much more, so little space....if you do decide to read the book...come back and tell me about it :-)

The beep line

closing in
and then for a while, not
the resistance
increasing in ohmic strength
now the shrill screams
impossible to hear
excruciatingly loud
tearing bloody
I don't know
I really want to know
quietly, violently, I cant

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Nogen gange

Synes jeg at jeg er en lille sjov fætter.
Det synes jeg bare.
Det var bare det jeg vil sige.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

More Eckhart Tolle

Oh I cant get enough of Tolle's teachings about "practicing the now". I've only watched the first part of this interview and I've come away with something beautiful.

He talks of how practicing the power of now can empower our relationships because we learn to be the space for others to be.
By learning to be consciously present in the now we let others be as we allow and accept them as they are in the present moment, without labeling them, judging them, trying to change them, without being lost in our heads preparing what we are going to say next or impatiently waiting to get a word in.

I've been able to do this a couple of times...shutting off my thought processes when I'm with others and choosing to consciously be part of their experience, and I've found that people have reacted by being more open with me. I'm only scared that this more serene person is a far cry from the noisy chatty person I usually am...and maybe a tad more boring?

But I like allowing others to be and not perceiving them through the mental noise of all my pointless feels true and loving.